I Have Lymphoma, and I’m Happy

Jeff's Take

  
     Before you decide that I am crazy, hear me out.

     I am in remission, so I do have that caveat in my favor, but let me backtrack about 16 months to give some context.

     It was just after Labor Day in 2011, September 9^th to be exact.  I had been divorced for about 2 ½ years at that point and just starting to get out of my funk and get back to living life.  I hadn’t realized how co-dependant I had become and was pretty unhappy with life.  Then the moment that would change my life forever happened.

      Long story short, I had developed a blood clot in my lung, the CT scan also showed an enlarged spleen and enlarged lymph nodes.   The doctors  ordered a biopsy and then the cancer bomb hit. The doctor performing the CVIR biopsy said, “Usually when I go in to get this, it’s a form of lymphoma”.  Like many others, unless you have had it or know someone with it, you probably didn’t know what that is or that it’s even a form of cancer.  So of course I drove myself crazy once I got back to my room looking up everything I could find.

     When the oncologist sat me down to tell me the type, treatment options, statistics, all of it, I took it all in like sponge.

      I remember this moment, the day my attitude on life change for good, as if it was yesterday.  He asked, “Are you okay?  It’s a lot of stuff I just threw at you, I know it seems overwhelming, but….”.

     I stopped him in his tracks and replied, “I’m great, forget how we got here, what are we gonna do to kick it’s ass in time for golf season?”.    He chuckled, shook his head and away we went.  I won’t bore you with the details of treatment, that’s well documented by many who have had the same, but I never had that“woe is me” moment and reflecting back, that was soooooo not the old me.
 

     It was in November of 2011, I connected with another remarkable lymphoma warrior many of you may be familiar with already, Megan K.  We "met" on our lymphoma support board on Facebook.   We only live 30 minutes from each other and despite having different forms and being separated by 20 years of age, we became quick friends.   We discussed everything regarding our treatments, the gross details we all want to discuss with someone, but may not have that person around to understand what we are going through.  This was the beginning of me networking with other lymphoma warriors. They became my new family.  I came to know many of them better than some of my closest friends despite never meeting them in person.

     I realized that for the first time in many, many years, despite battling lymphoma, I was happy.  I had a whole new group of friends, ones who didn’t care what you looked like, what you could do for them, what your job was, any of the usual drama.  All we cared about was trying to help each other cope, lend support, and get each other back to being healthy again.

     The support I try to give on a daily basis is fulfilling beyond reason. Then there are some big moments that I receive far more than I give, although my counterparts may argue the same in their favor.

     On July 1^st, 2012, Megan and I finally met in person at our Lymphomathon team fund raiser. All big hugs, smiles, and fun.  The next day Megan found out she had refractory Hodgkin’s and not classic nodular sclerosing.  She still had a long battle still ahead, yet by the end of the day we had filmed a spot for her now famous video and went to dinner. Despite the news earlier in the day, at that moment in time, we were happy. In September we walked together at Lymphomathon, in lock step with other warriors, several of whom recognized Megan from the video. And I was happy.

     In December of 2012 another fellow warrior from the lymphoma board, Tina, travelled down from New Brunswick, Canada. I flew into Providence to meet her and together we were off to surprise another warrior living in the Boston area, Erica,  to lend support as she was heading towards her stem cell transplant.  None of us had ever met, but you would have never know it if you saw us together.   And we were happy.

     Here we are, it’s January of 2013, and I have an awesome set of lymphoma buddies, some still battling as I type this and the group grows all the time.  I am only 9 months in remission with the specter of a possible recurrence one day still fresh in my head.  I am still paying off medical bills on a payment plan, my meager life savings spent on treatments.  And I am happy.

     I recently attended a meet and greet for the Lymphoma Research Foundation and finally met a long time online buddy, Angela in person and met other warriors.  I‘ve been asked to be on this years walk committee and to become more involved in other ways and you bet I will! I am happy to give back.

     The support bracelets I bought right after diagnosis are inscribed with “No One Fights Alone”.  To me, it’s not just a saying, it’s a way of life.  I feel it’s whom I was meant to be and what I was meant to do.

     I have taken far more from lymphoma than lymphoma has ever taken from me. I don't sweat the little things anymore.  I stop to smell the flowers, admire the sunsets, and I stop to feel the rain pound on my face.  I still have a dislike for shoveling snow, but hey, that falls under the "little things" category.

     One day, a cure will be found for lymphoma, but until that time, I have lymphoma, and I’m happy.