I Have Lymphoma, and I’m Happy
Jeff's Take
Before you decide that I am crazy, hear me out.
I am in remission,
so I do have that caveat in my favor, but let me backtrack about 16 months to
give some context.
It was just after
Labor Day in 2011, September 9th to be exact. I had been divorced for about 2 ½ years at
that point and just starting to get out of my funk and get back to living
life. I hadn’t realized how co-dependant
I had become and was pretty unhappy with life.
Then the moment that would change my life forever happened.
Long story short, I
had developed a blood clot in my lung, the CT scan also showed an enlarged
spleen and enlarged lymph nodes. The doctors
ordered a biopsy and then the cancer bomb hit. The doctor performing the
CVIR biopsy said, “Usually when I go in to get this, it’s a form of
lymphoma”. Like many others, unless you
have had it or know someone with it, you probably didn’t know what that is or
that it’s even a form of cancer. So of
course I drove myself crazy once I got back to my room looking up everything I
could find.
When the oncologist sat me down to tell me
the type, treatment options, statistics, all of it, I took it all in like
sponge.
I remember this
moment, the day my attitude on life change for good, as if it was
yesterday. He asked, “Are you okay? It’s a lot of stuff I just threw at you, I
know it seems overwhelming, but….”.
I stopped him in his tracks and replied, “I’m
great, forget how we got here, what are we gonna do to kick it’s ass in time
for golf season?”. He chuckled, shook his head and away we
went. I won’t bore you with the details
of treatment, that’s well documented by many who have had the same, but I never had that“woe is me” moment and reflecting back, that was soooooo not the old me.
It was in November of 2011, I connected with
another remarkable lymphoma warrior many of you may be familiar with already,
Megan K. We "met" on
our lymphoma support board on Facebook.
We only live 30 minutes from each other and despite having different
forms and being separated by 20 years of age, we became quick friends. We
discussed everything regarding our treatments, the gross details we all want to
discuss with someone, but may not have that person around to understand what we
are going through. This was the
beginning of me networking with other lymphoma warriors. They became my new
family. I came to know many of them
better than some of my closest friends despite never meeting them in person.
I realized that for
the first time in many, many years, despite battling lymphoma, I was happy. I had a whole new group of friends, ones who
didn’t care what you looked like, what you could do for them, what your job
was, any of the usual drama. All we
cared about was trying to help each other cope, lend support, and get each
other back to being healthy again.
The support I try
to give on a daily basis is fulfilling beyond reason. Then there are some big
moments that I receive far more than I give, although my counterparts may argue
the same in their favor.
On July 1st,
2012, Megan and I finally met in person at our Lymphomathon team fund raiser.
All big hugs, smiles, and fun. The next
day Megan found out she had refractory Hodgkin’s and not classic nodular
sclerosing. She still had a long battle
still ahead, yet by the end of the day we had filmed a spot for her now famous
video and went to dinner. Despite the news earlier in the day, at that moment
in time, we were happy. In September we walked together at Lymphomathon, in
lock step with other warriors, several of whom recognized Megan from the video.
And I was happy.
In December of
2012 another fellow warrior from the lymphoma board, Tina, travelled down from New Brunswick, Canada.
I flew into Providence to meet her and together we were off to surprise another warrior living in the Boston
area, Erica, to lend support as she was
heading towards her stem cell transplant.
None of us had ever met, but you would have never know it if you saw us
together. And we were happy.
Here we are, it’s
January of 2013, and I have an awesome set of lymphoma buddies, some still
battling as I type this and the group grows all the time. I am only 9
months in remission with the specter of a possible recurrence one day still
fresh in my head. I am still paying off
medical bills on a payment plan, my meager life savings spent on
treatments. And I am happy.
I recently
attended a meet and greet for the Lymphoma Research Foundation and finally met
a long time online buddy, Angela in person and met other warriors. I‘ve been asked to be on this years walk
committee and to become more involved in other ways and you bet I will! I am happy
to give back.
The support bracelets I bought right after
diagnosis are inscribed with “No One Fights Alone”. To me, it’s not just a saying, it’s a way of
life. I feel it’s whom I was meant to be and
what I was meant to do.
I have taken far more from lymphoma than
lymphoma has ever taken from me. I don't sweat the little things anymore. I stop to smell the flowers, admire the
sunsets, and I stop to feel the rain pound on my face. I still have a dislike for shoveling snow,
but hey, that falls under the "little things" category.
One day, a cure will be found for lymphoma, but until that time, I have lymphoma,
and I’m happy.
